Weight Watchers Update - Three Years at Goal....Sort Of - January 23, 2015

I had this post planned in my head for a few days, and then when I checked my blog archives I saw that it actually is perfect timing. I first reached my WW goal in January 2012 (I lost a bit more weight over the next few months before settling into a comfortable zone, but January 2012 is when I first hit a very specific number). Then I updated at a year, but it looks like I then let the second year go by without noting it.

For the first half of 2014, I still managed to stay at my goal. And then, well, I finally started to lose interest in the program. (If you know me at all, you probably know that I get VERY VERY EXCITED about things and then at some point later, I tend to taper off - not with everything but with some things. So sticking with WW like I did for nearly three years from the first day I walked into a meeting, well, I think that's pretty good.) I got sick of tracking (and I honestly hadn't been tracking for the past year anyway, but I got good at estimating and keeping things in my head). And then I started going to meetings just once a month instead of every week - or just popping in and weighing in once a month (that keeps your membership active) and not staying at all. (The support of the people at the meetings with whom I'd become friendly - and my amazing leader, always - was an invaluable part of my journey - without it...I got lost.)

And then my old habits crept in.

For me, the reason that Weight Watchers worked so well was that I was not eating mindfully until I joined the program. I would eat at a restaurant, feel stuffed, and still order dessert. Just because. I also would finish everything on my plate, or everything in the box/container/whatever from the grocery store because I didn't want to waste it. Or because, as I justified it in my head, if I eat it now, it will be gone, and I can stop thinking about it. And I'd eat an entire pint of ice cream, all at once. Every weekend. I've told this story before. You know how it goes. Off the program? Off being mindful.

I also stopped avoiding the purchase of certain trigger foods, like chocolate chips and M&Ms. I literally cannot stop eating those things (and a few others) if they are in the house. I can portion them out and put the rest in a sealed bag and then hide that bag, and I will still go back, find that bag, open it, and eat the rest. And feel gross. (but not GUILTY. Food shame is absurd. Associating the word "guilt" with food just doesn't work for me at all. I just felt physically bloated, ill, and overfull.)

And suddenly the scale was not my friend. I was at the top of my goal weight, when I'd hovered a pound or two below it. Then I was one pound above. Then I was at two - and that's what's "allowed" if you want to be an active Lifetime member and continue to go to meetings for free. I know that for some people this doesn't work. I know that for some people, this is shaming or problematic. That's fine. For me, the entire program worked, including this part of the journey.

I skipped a month of meetings, feeling embarrassed. I'd been such a vocal cheerleader at the meetings - and now I'd have to go back and admit I'd faltered? I hid. Then I ran into two women I know from WW - they were heading home from a meeting while I was walking home from Starbucks and taking the long way so I wouldn't have to walk by that very same meeting. They were so kind and friendly and sweet - asking how I'd been and being all around supportive and positive. I realized that I really shouldn't hide anymore.

So I went back to a meeting the next week and I faced what was going on. I weighed in and, as I already knew, I was more than two pounds over my goal weight. And because of that, I had to hand over the weekly fee after being a solid Lifetime member for over two years and, therefore, not needing to pay. Ouch. But I did it. I paid, and I stayed for the meeting, and I recommitted to the program and yes this sounds sooooo culty. I laugh every time I talk about it in these terms. I hear it. I get it.

This isn't actually where things got better, either. Because I had the confirmation that I was above goal on the official WW scales (which I've always suspected are calibrated to account for clothing weight), I skipped another month while I brooded. The last time this had happened, years ago, I started a bad pattern of "well, as long as i don't get to X...as long as clothing item Y still fits...as long as I'm not at Z...." I could easily have thrown up my hands and said, "Fine, I did it for two years, that's great, I'm done, pass the pint of ice cream." Instead, this time, I had the tools to catch myself before I went there thanks to all I'd learned while going through the WW program. While I wrapped my head around the idea of needing to track/be mindful all over again, I changed up my routine and my home to shake things up by doing the following:

• For Black Friday I bought a FitBit One, which gave me the shiny-new-toy motivation to start moving again after months on the couch. I regularly get 10,000 steps, and I make sure I get at least 5,000, even if that means jogging in place while watching TV or walking around the kitchen table a few times. In short: I love love LOVE my FitBit One. (that is my referral link, OK?)
• I also bought a Paderno spiralizer (that is ALSO my referral link, OK?), and now I eat spiralized zucchini, daikon radish, carrot, cucumber, sweet potatoes...you name it. I also eat pasta - yummy, yummy pasta - but this is such a great way to get extra vegetables into my diet and it's SO FUN TO USE too. I use it at least once a week.
• And I also bought a Tim3 Machin3 through Kickstarter. (That is not a referral link.) It's a rice/quinoa/slow cooker/steamer/yogurt maker. I love it. It makes the best quinoa I have ever had as well as the best brown rice, the most amazing sticky rice, and on and on. I haven't yet tried the yogurt function but I will sooooon. New kitchen toys (those two things plus a new coffee maker and a new eco-friendly nonstick pan) helped me get excited about healthy eating again.
• I opened the WW website and started tracking my food again. (Ugh.)
• I installed the app on my phone (by the way? the app is terrible) and tracked that too.
• And I stopped buying trigger food. I didn't stock up after Christmas on candy (I did that in 2013, after stopping).

I did not - and I will not - stop eating things I enjoy. I go to Jeni's Ice Cream quite often, thank you very much, and I get a trio, and it is amazing. I had a big plate of hand-cut french fries just last night. But I went back to mindfulness. Am I hungry? Am I bored? Am I full? Do I really want that? I ate half of that plate of fries and then offered them to friends and then put them aside, realizing that I was full, had enjoyed the fries very much (OH THEY WERE GOOD), and was only eating them because they were there.

Then this month, I went back to a meeting (and had to pay again because I skipped a month - ouch again!) and stepped on the scale, and found myself back at goal. No wonder those jeans finally fit again...

So that's my update. This is, as always, about me and not you. About how this particular program - all of its moving parts, including an amazing leader, interesting meetings, a financial obligation, the "points" vs. calories concept, the "free fruit and vegetables" angle - all of this came together to work for me to make me feel good, strong, and healthy again. I don't know if it will work for you and I don't know what will work for you. I have no answers, explanations, or advice. I'm also lacto-ovo vegetarian, and I don't know whether that's going to work for you either. I am only chronicling my personal journey and that's it.

Here's hoping I can stay on track this time.

Weight Watchers Update - One Year at Goal - January 13, 2013

I was poking around my blog when I realized that one year ago today I wrote about how I'd hit my Weight Watchers goal and had begun Maintenance. As this also means I'm coming up on one year of being a Lifetime member, I thought I'd write a little update (my first since my sort of manifesto-post from last July).

Yes. I'm still at my goal weight, one year later. (As I wrote in the manifesto-post, and in the interest of total honesty, I'm a bit under the initial goal set by Weight Watchers, which is what I hit last January, but I'm still within what they consider a healthy weight range. My official goal has since been adjusted in the WW-borg computer system to account for this.)

I have found as the year has gone on that I've finally begun to internalize the lessons that Weight Watchers taught me. While I still track most of the time pretty often sometimes, I'm far more laid back about it now. (Sometimes I will guesstimate a meal. Sometimes I will use the Quick Add to note a whole meal rather than adding its parts. Sometimes I will, uh, forget.) But what I know for a fact is that I eat less than I did before I started WW because I learned what a real portion is and I learned that almost always (not always!), I feel satisfied after eating a proper serving. It just all feels different.

Plus, I think something that has kept me on track is that there is no category of food that is off limits. I will never go off the rails and eat a forbidden food - because nothing is forbidden. I still eat real full-fat ice cream and cheese, real bread, pasta (whole wheat, please!), tortilla chips with queso dip, and so on...and if I eat "too much" of something, I adjust the way I eat for the rest of the week. I like this a lot.

And I refuse to use the word "guilt" in relation to eating.

Mini cupcakes are wonderful things.

Yes, I have weeks where I gain weight. When that happens, I find that I make little adjustments after weigh in so that the following week I'm back to where I want to be. It's a constant process of tweaking - but it's not always a conscious process. I've seem to have settled into a range that is good for me, and when I see things creeping to that upper limit of the range, I know that I have the tools to make changes before things get out of control - and it's up to me to use those tools.

I am still not thrilled with my body. That bothers me, but it's true. I haven't been exercising the way I want to - and the way I should. I ran two 5Ks in early 2012 and then stopped running altogether. I hope to change that in 2013 because that is a huge missing piece in my life - even if I can sustain my weight loss purely by diet, I really need to be in shape for my overall health.

I believe that with the tools and the support that I gained through the Weight Watchers program, I will be able to sustain this weight loss for years and years. (Fact: Women's bodies change as we age. Things will be different for me every year. Life throws curve balls. You never know. I will take things as they come.)

I love that after I hit my goal and became a Lifetime member, I wasn't dropped off a cliff. Everything continued. I may be bad about tracking, but I do track and I do use the other online tools and the apps all the time because they are free for Lifetime members (good move, WW). But more importantly for me, I still go to a meeting almost every week. (I'm only required to go to one a month - and I don't even have to stay for that one, I just have to weigh in. But I always stay.) There's still accountability and there are still people to lean on. I still clap and cheer as the people around me reach new milestones. And I like getting my Bravo stickers. And I just got my second Lifetime key when I hit 10 months as a Lifetime member. Truth: More trinkets = more happy Marla.

Two Lifetime Member Weight Watchers Keys - plus my star for reaching my goal...

OK, I get it - it may not work for everyone because that's just not reality - there is no plan that works for every single person. But it did work for me for many reasons. It just fit. And I do think it's one of the best programs out there for someone looking to lose weight (US News & World Report thinks so too) and will not hesitate to recommend it over and over.

I stand by what I said last July. My body is not your body and this is about me, not you. I post these types of updates because I'm happy with what I've done and want to share in the way anyone who has worked hard for any sort of goal is happy and wants to share it. While I will happily discuss how much weight I lost (30+ pounds), I would rather not discuss what I weigh now or what I weighed before I started or what size I am (because I am about four different sizes, if not more, anyway, thanks to vanity sizing and inconsistency within clothing and being a savvy thrift shopper, so what's the point?), and I don't expect you to share those things with me either unless you choose to. Those are personal things and they are just numbers that don't take a myriad of factors into account.

Do your thing. Be happy with who you are. That's what's important. I wasn't happy with who I was or where I was so I took steps to change my situation. That's all. (Next up: Changing my hair...)

And here I am. It's been a year, and I'm really proud of what I've accomplished.

Ridiculous self-portrait in mirror at department store - December 2012

Weight Loss Update - July 13, 2012

On Friday, January 13, I wrote about my Weight Watchers/weight loss journey, and I promised an update in 6 months. Well hi, I didn't actually plan this, but it's EXACTLY 6 months later and I'm going to let you know how it's going.

In a nutshell, and to save you from having to read my blather if you don't have any interest in doing so, it is going extremely well.

This is a really long post that will be continued...after the jump!

Learning about Running and Weight Loss and Stuff - March 21, 2012

I'm getting ready to head out for my daughter's IEP meeting (for pre-K! PRE-K! I can't even believe that...) and I thought I'd get some of this ramble out of my head.

First, I'm kicking ass and taking names with the Couch to 5K program. I'm about to finish week 8 and my first official 5K is this weekend. I still can't run the entire thing, but I also don't stop - I take a few seconds to catch my breath as I walk at a fast clip and then I go again. I sprint. I race with myself. I tell myself "You can stop at that mailbox. At that driveway. At the end of this song." So far, so good. Today I ran a 10:09 pace. I'm really, really proud of that.

My playlist is now sort of settling. For a while I used timed playlists created by others, but once the intervals of run/walk/run ended, I made my own. Here's what I'm running to at the moment:

1. Supa Shoppa by Blur (warmup)
2. Stars Above Us by Saint Etienne (warmup ends, run begins)
3. It's Tricky by Run DMC (and I'm off)
4. Raspberry Swirl by Tori Amos (current goal is to run without walking until the end of this song - I now can just about do it)
5. Paparazzi by Lady Gaga (even if I'm walking for a second or four, there are spots in this song that I always run through)
6. Hey Ya! by Outkast (this gives me a burst of energy and I always run through the "all right all right all right" and "shake it" parts, no matter how tired I am)
7. Baby Got Back by Sir Mixalot (I have found my energy flags here - this song is good for getting me going again, but I may need something else to replace it soon)
8. United State of Pop 2010 by DJ Earworm (a mashup of a bunch of popular songs - it begins a bit slow - I usually take a break - and as it ends, Beyonce is telling me to go faster and faster and stronger and stronger)
9. Merry by Magnapop (and when I hear this, I know I'm almost done)
10. Do You Sleep by Lisa Loeb (cool down!)
11. Crazy Town by Velocity Girl (end of cool down!)

I'm entering my second month of being a Weight Watchers Lifetime Member and it's going really well as I navigate how this new normal works. I still track almost everything I eat and still count points - I can't imagine not doing it at this stage, although I took one night off from tracking when I was out with a friend and knew I was both making decent choices and had enough points left in my weekly/activity bank to be OK. I also made sure that I got right back into tracking the next morning - that I didn't use that one night as an excuse to stop.

I went out this week to a fancy, famous-for-a-TV-connection restaurant with some out of town guests. Maybe it was that I'm a vegetarian and this restaurant focused on decidedly not so much (while having many choices on the menu for me), but it felt almost easy. The menu didn't scare me (like it did when I started WW) and I knew I would be OK.

I knew I'd go over my daily points, but I also knew what my bad habits were and decided not to fall into them. I ordered what I wanted, but I didn't order every single thing I wanted. I chose a mixed drink instead of a milkshake and I didn't get both, which is a major victory in my life, I swear. I had tastes of others' dishes but did not make sure I had ordered one thing from every menu section. I didn't get dessert. (I used to ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS get dessert, no matter how full I was. I actually don't know if this place offers dessert, but I didn't make sure I found myself some at the nearby favorite-cupcake-place-ever or an ice cream shop either.) 

What I learned from the experience was that I could go out, have a good time, even overindulge just a bit, but feel happy and satisfied and not bloated and horrible. I could go someplace special and not have to make food be part of the overall experience - the experience was the friends, the ambiance, the way the waiter acted, and yes, the flavors. But not the "MUST HAVE IT ALL MAY NEVER GET HERE AGAIN" feeling I used to know too well. The new normal. Here it is. (I also made up the points for this - probably overestimating - based on a few factual things and some guesses. But I did track it all. I held myself accountable.)

So that's where I'm at. People are noticing the change in me. I'm noticing the change in me. 

And now...off to the IEP meeting...

New Project - Couch to 5K - January 17, 2012

This post serves, more than anything, as an accountability post.

Today I started the Couch to 5K program. I have two different 5Ks that I think I'd like to do (one or both would be fine) - both around May-ish. Also, though, I need to stay motivated with the weight loss and healthy living I've started. Otherwise, I'm afraid that once I complete the formal maintenance part of Weight Watchers, I'll feel like I've hit a finish line and...go back to eating ice cream every night or something. I'm using the Android app and I LOVE IT. It uses the GPS to track my speed and distance and it gives me a complete map when I'm done - that's really really really really cool. And I downloaded some timed podcasts that count for me when I'm close to switching the intervals.

And alongside this new exercise routine, I also ordered Jillian Michaels's Ripped in 30 DVD. This was mostly because I was buying something else (I'll explain) and needed to hit that magical $25 Amazon threshold for free shipping, so I threw it in. (By the way, if any PR person wants me to, like, TEST the Amazon Prime program and write a review or something, I'm your woman!!!!) I like the 30 Day Shred but I tried Ripped in 30 and liked it too so...well, free shipping, right? And as someone with no attention span who really needs new and exciting things to keep me motivated, I figured a new DVD that I could use would be a good idea. Right? Er...hopefully.

So my first day of running was not as bad as I expected, though it wasn't as awesome as I hoped either. (Apparently this is typical?) Alongside the usual stuff - I got tired, I couldn't complete all the running parts of C25K 1.1, my leg started to hurt - I had my ME stuff: I get terrible ear/jaw/headaches from the cold, my headphones kept falling out of my ears, I was carrying my phone, I hit a button and messed up my music. (OH MAN I AM WHINY.) So along with the DVD today, I bought a headband to keep my ears warm that also has built-in headphones. I bought an armband for my phone. (Eek, buying things, but the DVD and headphones were free thanks to Swagbucks <- referral link! and the armband was cheap.) And oh did I mention I also bought running clothes at Target? Well, they WERE on sale...and I didn't buy anything extraneous - in fact, I wore it all today.

So. Keep me accountable, blog readers. I want to do this. I want to stay in shape. And today I tried on a bathing suit that hadn't fit me in at least ten years (I don't know why I even still have it, but I found it when I was rearranging some drawers) and IT FIT. So it needs to fit when it actually counts - this summer. Goals. I need lots and lots of goals.

And hey, maybe this will all be a good stress reliever? The three-day weekend with my daughter was rough... How I envy the parents who can just go to a museum or spend an afternoon doing crafts or even just watch a movie with their children. (Heck, I envy people who can pick up a kid, put him or her down on his or her feet, and have him or her then continue to stand and walk off...) None of that works for my family, and when we have no specific plans, things get pretty tricky around here. Her communication is also improving - but far too slowly for any of our liking, so the tantrums are also increasing. Expected but also....no fun. So anything I can do to keep myself sane and back on the Good Mommy Track while she is at preschool is a good thing. I need to be able to be there for her - and for me.

Disclaimer: All links to Amazon are referral links. Thanks!

Before and After - My Weight Watchers Weight Loss Journey - January 13, 2012

I wish I had taken a true before picture, before I went to my first Weight Watchers meeting, but I didn't. The picture that inspired me to go to that meeting is not one I like to share (and won't here) - it's me in the background, unaware that the camera is on me. I was at a birthday party in the summer and was dressed in what I thought were cute clothes and I figured I looked fine. At the moment the camera found me, though, I was slumped over - my daughter had just bitten through a plastic spoon and swallowed part of it (she thought this was hysterical and - spoiler alert - she was totally fine and it did appear later, ahem). I was annoyed and upset and tired. I wasn't sucking things in or standing tall, I was appearing as I probably appeared most of the time. The friend who took (it was her son's birthday party) it posted it on Facebook. And there it was, a picture of me as I really was, and I couldn't pretend anymore.

Pictures of me from before I started WW are hard to come by because I was hiding from the camera. So the best I can do is this, because I really want a record of what I've done, how hard I've worked, and how far I've come.

Here's me in July 2011. We're in Athens, GA, with one of the painted UGA dogs that hang around town.

Here's me in October 2011, about six weeks after I started:

And here's me today. I'm at my goal, I'm on Maintenance (which is really weird and scary), and I am excited:

Wearing jeans in a size I haven't seen in over ten years.

My first meeting was on September 1, 2011. Since then, I've lost about 23 pounds total and gone down 2-3 sizes, depending on how you look at it. (I was kind of squeezing myself into a slightly smaller size for a year or two, but the size up didn't fit right either - OH WOMEN'S CLOTHING, WHY ARE YOU SO WACKY? And now I can fit into a range as well - the jeans today are at the low end, but most days I wear a size bigger than these because I'm just more comfortable there.)

I now am exercising regularly (usually the 30 Day Shred or another DVD, plus I have a new pedometer to keep track of my steps).

I've completed week one of Maintenance as of today, and I am planning to sail through the next five weeks. (Hold me accountable!) My next goal is to find a 5K and to walk/run it.

After my daughter was born, I definitely stopped taking care of ME for a while. When she got her official diagnosis, I sort of gave up. "I'm almost 40," I thought. "What's the point? I'm where I am and that's it." I had a lot to deal with all of a sudden and I just didn't have time or brain space to worry about myself. When I kept getting reports every year from the doctor with borderline cholesterol problems, I'd just brush them off. I'd make excuses and laugh and joke about how I needed to stop eating a pint of ice cream every night, though I'd continue to do it and make half-hearted attempts to change my ways.

Every 5 pounds I added on the scale led me to think "Well, it could be worse. I'm not at XXX weight!" Even when I started WW, I thought, "I'm not at XXX yet! It's fine!" But it wasn't fine. And it feels really good to be doing something positive for myself after all these years so that I can be healthier and happier for me - and for her.

I promise to post an update in six months (the summer!) so you will know if I've managed to stick to this. I really, really hope to!

New phone, Black Friday musings, and more - November 26, 2011

It's time for another rambly post that isn't an endorsement or a contest or anything of that sort. (Note - while I never intended for this blog to be a review/contest blog, I do enjoy doing those things and some more are in the pipeline. I still think it's funny which pages on my blog are the most popular....)

So here's a story.

I got my first cell phone in about 2000, which is later than a lot of people. I hemmed and hawed and picked a plain black phone, and it did what it needed to do for years. I then upgraded to a camera phone (I think it was either free or ridiculously cheap) and paid the extra fee to be able to send pictures - mostly to another friend with a similar phone, occasionally to various online forums/blogs.

I jumped ship from that provider (no, I won't name names - ahem, the synonym for running quickly for a short distance - after it pissed me off royally, but in doing so I gave up on the data plan and the camera phone. For six years I've had a phone that did little more than make calls - I even paid per text (did I only text on rare occasion because I had to pay or because I genuinely didn't care about texting? we shall see.) It sounds funny to even lament that by the way. The provider was fine, but service was spotty and I was sick of dropped calls - ahem, a letter and a word that means something can move.

I bought myself an iPod Touch a few years ago (using Swagbucks-earned Amazon credit and birthday money) and that mostly scratched the want-a-smartphone itch. Mostly. I still use my Touch daily but it doesn't have a camera and, of course, it requires WiFi to do most things. But it can make calls, I've been using it for free texting for almost as long as I have had it, and it has LOTS of music on it.

But my phone was crapping out after all these years (it was the freebie, after all). And my husband's had already died a painful death in the ocean, and his replacement phone was also crappy. When a fancy smartphone was on sale at Target a few weeks ago, we got all excited and went to see it. Yeah, except that the monthly plans for the phone were exorbitant. I checked other providers - same thing. I asked around - same thing. $150-ish on average for two people to have smart phones. I couldn't swing that. I couldn't justify that. Nope. When I looked into pay-as-you-go plans, I saw that I could either get a REALLY crappy cheap phone or have to pay for a decent phone so that the monthly plan + the cost of the phone averaged out was...pretty much the same thing. It was a kick in the gut. I wasn't sure what would happen, since our phones really were about to die and our provider was having merger drama with an uncertain future.

Then I saw a leaked Black Friday deal for a smartphone that was $70-ish less than it usually sold for - I couldn't find a price close to the BF price anywhere - with a pay-as-you-go service. I couldn't stop thinking about it. The phone had the basic features I wanted (Droid, camera, ability to run apps, not a crappy flip phone) and the plan included unlimited texting and data (and an option for unlimited talk but a slightly less expensive option for a reasonable amount of minutes). If we canceled our landline, we could totally swing this deal.

And so on Friday we ventured out...to a nearly empty store (we went at around 11am). The shelves were stocked with the phone, the phone was exactly as promised, and we bought. HOORAY. The switch from the old provider (we were off contract already) to the new one was seamless. And now I have a phone that I can use to take stupid pictures and cute videos and that I can text with.

One thing that was eerie and sad was that as I transferred over the numbers (not done yet), I didn't transfer over my grandmother's number. She passed away two years ago. I kept her number on my old phone. This phone doesn't have it on there. I had to let that go. I also let go a few numbers for people I no longer speak with for various reasons. New phone, new life. Some choices hurt my heart, some just made it lighter.

The phone is definitely on the lower end of the smartphone spectrum, but I figure that for the small investment we made in these phones plus a month-to-month plan with no contract, there is plenty of room to, at any time, jump ship again, buy the high-end deliciously wonderful phones and pay that high monthly premium. I don't really see that happening any time soon, but it's nice to know we didn't lock into anything right now. This is a good stopgap, I think. Do I want the phone fairy to grant me an iPhone or a high-end Droid with many long years of paid monthly fees? I sure do. Feel free to leap in at any time and offer to do that for me, by the way...

I would normally end a post like this with "what's your favorite app?" but...the phone seriously has a VERY limited amount of internal memory. Micro SD cards happened to also be on sale, so I have 8 gigs of expanded memory, but if you have a Droid you may know that you can't put just anything on the card, appwise. So...my space is limited and I have to make some choices. Happily I still have my darling iPod, so most of my apps and all of my music will live on it. Sure, it's a bit clumsy dragging around TWO tabletty tiny things, but I still see it as the best of both worlds.

The apps I have so far are mostly practical - Google Docs, Google Voice, Scoutmob, Groupon - with a few fun ones thrown in like FxCamera (love it!). I don't even have a Facebook app at the moment (accessing it via browser seems just as fine and doesn't eat space) and the Twitter app the phone came with is...well, it's fine. (Frustratingly, the phone came with several social-based apps that are both redundant to one another and not useful to me - and that can't be deleted. I hate that bit.) I had to remove the Weight Watchers app because it was just SO HUGE (no jokes, please!) - I'll continue to use the Touch for that one.

[I've lost about 17 pounds now since starting WW by the way. My jeans no longer fit. I have cheekbones. I can wear cute shirts again. My goal is on the horizon. I still was able to eat things I liked on Thanksgiving. I *LOVE* WEIGHT WATCHERS!]

This concludes my rambly post. *curtsey*

Doing Things for Me - October 13, 2011

Wow, it's October 13. That means my birthday is a mere month away. Buy presents! I'll be...closer to 40 than I was today.

So after four years of "but it's just baby weight! I'll lose it soon!" and "I'll probably lose it by breastfeeding" and "I'm sure I'll lose it after she weans" and before all that "I'm just getting older" and "I still really think it's fine to eat a carton of ice cream in one sitting" and all along "I really don't think I need to do anything special to lose weight," I joined Weight Watchers. I think I mentioned this before, but I'm going to ramble about it again, so bear with me.

Seriously, I was in denial. When I was in high school, I was a stick. When I was in college, I was a twig - a twig who walked everywhere, danced her booty off, and ate whatever she wanted whenever she wanted. I also started smoking (not ever a LOT of smoking, but enough - what a disgusting habit that was... imissitsometimes...) and of course then eventually I quit (it's been well over ten years - longer, I'm fairly certain, maybe even 15?). Things messed up with my already messed up metabolism, but I never altered my eating habits to compensate. If I could eat a full package of Oreos when I was 15, I could eat it when I was 35 too. And it all slowly slowly caught up with me.

So I joined WW. I know nothing of "the old points," I joined with the Points Plus system. And I really like it. And today I officially (unofficially I did this a few weeks ago on my own scale, but if we're using the same scale/clothing on/blahblah thing) hit my 5% goal. And the Wii Fit says my BMI is normal again.

I have a ways to go before 10% and before I feel like my old self again. But I can see a number just barely ahead of me that I haven't seen since my wedding (8 years ago, when I saw a nutritionist for a few months) and I think if I squint I can see a number that makes me happy.

I'm doing this for me. Nobody else. And after having to do most of what I do for someone else for four whole years (far more than I ever dreamed I'd need to do as a parent), it was time.

I'm also writing this for more accountability. Sometimes I keep quiet about things because I want the results to be a surprise or because I just don't want to talk about it. But if I say "I'm trying to lose weight" (whatever way I choose - WW is a good start, but I may switch to SparkPeople or MyFitnessPal or something else in a few months, who knows) then I am held accountable and people can remind me to stick to it.

Although I have to say, sticking to it has not been particularly difficult. It's partly the way the plan is structured, but it's also that I am ready to do this now. I'm still eating the same things (I believe I always ate at least moderately healthily) but I'm either eating less of them or I'm spacing them out or I'm just being more mindful. Also I am just really sick of not feeling the way I want to feel.

So. Maybe I'll even post a picture when I hit 10%. Maybe.

Now go enter my giveaway for some Renuzit Fresh Accents house smelly goodness things.

Updating Randomly - September 24, 2011

A list. In bullet form. And not much else, form-wise.

• First, my Amazon make-affiliate-links-easily widget seems to be dead. If you know how to get it to be undead, do share.
• Still working on finding my tribe of special needs moms. I reached out to a local email list looking for others like me and received three replies. One asked about a meetup I'd mentioned in passing - without a please, a thank you, or a "me too" in there. I sent her the information she wanted and never heard a thing. One zoomed right in on a comment I made in passing within my post about my writing/editing work and wanted to meet up to talk about how she could get herself into writing/editing. I had to just move past that with some eye rolling. And one was a fellow mama looking for someone with whom to connect. We had coffee yesterday and it was fantastic. One reply made it all worth it.
• Consignment season is winding down. I was very, very restrained at the one sale I went to yesterday. A cute girly outfit, two sweaters, a fleece top. That's it. And the prices weren't even that great, but the kid really did (still does) need some warmer clothes for the short-but-cold winter we get here in Georgia. She's otherwise set though.
• Sometimes I am just so tired of everything. 
• Sometimes I am able to swim to the surface again and look at the sun.
• The kid takes steps now, will stand for many seconds now, and is babbling strings of consonants and vowels with inflection and with occasional words mushed in. (She's loud.) 
• And yet her PT told me she may someday still need a stroller/chair for field trips, when she's older. I know the reality of my daughter's abilities, but I really would like to stay positive, focus on the now, and worry about the then in three or four years. Because she's doing so well. And she hates being confined in a stroller right now and much prefers to walk (with her walker or holding someone's hand). But she's getting heavy now and carrying her is getting harder. And I know she may still need assistance and I know that this is OK. But I don't like hearing it. Because I don't know what I believe anymore.
• Pumpkin season is upon us. I made pumpkin cream cheese and pumpkin spice syrup for coffee. I also made 100-calorie cupcakes (not pumpkin, but still good). I have plans to make pumpkin-oatmeal muffiny things. I found a lot of this stuff on Pinterest. Feel free to follow me there.
• I'm in my fourth week of doing Weight Watchers. Even with a trip out of town, two long car rides, and several dinners out, I've lost almost six pounds and am on my way to my 5% goal. I like this system - I like that it gives me parameters and goals and I like the accountability. I have no judgment about the old points vs. the new points, and I don't care if you did or didn't like WW for yourself or if you use a free system instead. I just know that for now, this is working for me and I like it. Now to just start adding in more exercise... (Perhaps starting the 30-day Shred again...or getting my Wii fixed so I can do Wii Fit? I miss my Wii.)
• I've been reading reading reading. The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks was incredible. The Girl's Guide to Homelessness was heartbreaking and fantastic. And I'm concurrently reading Blue Jelly: Love Lost and the Lessons of Canning, Spoiled, and the The Man Who Ate the World: In Search of the Perfect Dinner. Oh how I wish I just had the widgety thing - making those links was kind of a pain. FULL CIRCLE! WOOT WOOT!